Teaching the Colonizer's Language

Currently listening to: I had to remake my spotify, so here's my new playlist of songs I'm currently sifting through

Currently reading: “Insurrecto” by Gina Apostel (still! I was in training for a month, okay? I didn’t read as much as I wanted to!)

Currently watching: Eighth Grade directed by Bo Burnham

---

Picture this: It’s senior year of Undergrad. You’re a psychology major with an interest in research and engaging more young girls of color in Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, and Math (STEAM!). You have a general sense of what you want to pursue, but also recognized that you never took the time to live abroad. You also have an acute fear of never taking the time to learn more about your family’s culture. And honestly, you’re a little panicked about what you’re going to do post-grad!

The scenario I painted above is… SURPRISE… who I was in 2017. As a Filipina-Korean who grew up in Texas, I felt starved for connection to my Filipino roots. I was open to most options that would send me to the Philippines to learn about the culture and work abroad, though most things I saw had a high price tag attached to it, and I have an issue with paying to volunteer. Peace Corps appealed to me because they cover the cost of your living expenses, plane tickets, provide extensive cultural, language, and technical training, and a readjustment stipend when you Close of Service. At the end of the day, I found that Peace Corps was my number one choice post-grad, because it would open the opportunity for me to learn and live in the Philippines ethically (or more so than other options)*.

While I was applying, I found an open position in the Children, Youth, and Family sector that called for applicants with a background in psychology and experience working with kids (I mean, I have a degree in psych and !I worked in daycares and camps all throughout college!). I thought that I fit the bill perfectly for that position, but Peace Corps hit me with a rejection email. AND THEN a follow up email stating Peace Corps Philippines was considering me as an applicant for the Education sector! I saw this as a door that wasn’t entirely closed, but I began thinking about what it would mean for me to be in a Filipino classroom teaching English.

Beyond my own personal anxieties of not having a formal background in teaching and feeling unqualified to teach, I also had a growing concern that I would be perpetuating U.S. superiority in the classroom. At the time, I knew very little about the U.S. occupation of the Philippines, as this is a topic that isn’t really covered in general American history courses. I had a vague sense that U.S. involvement in the Philippines was primarily economic and less altruistic than we want to believe**, but I wasn’t informed enough to articulate why. Even so, I toyed with the ethics of being an education volunteer considering that there’s a double standard for someone like me to teach abroad. By that, I mean that I lack a formal teaching background of any kind! Not to mention, I have no idea what it’s like to be in a Filipino classroom, let alone teach in one. If I were applying to a teaching position in the States, I would be hit with a “you should have more qualifications” and rightfully so! Students deserve an educator with the proper qualifications to teach them the content they need to know. Furthermore, I know too many people who have taught or volunteered in the global global south with an aire that said “I’m here to civilize these students”, which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Anyways, who am I to teach anyone when I know little about the historical and cultural context I’m about to walk into? Truly, I’m the one who needs to be educated. I could make the claim that I had a right to return to the homeland, but even thinking that made me feel like I acting extremely entitled. All of these sentiments culminated into the biggest thought-knot, one that I work to untangle daily.

I wish I could say that I reasoned all of those fears away, but that would be a dishonest answer. Prior to accepting the position, I reasoned that I would constantly reassess my role in my school, and commit myself to listening to what my school may need from me. Even if I have fears about teaching the colonizer’s language, or unknowingly reinforcing U.S. superiority, I understand that my role here isn’t to save any Filipino, or show them the ‘light’ of America. I refuse to think or act as though my presence at my site as the American Volunteer will immediately and drastically improve the lives of those around me. Filipinos don’t need my pity, nor yours. While the school I work in serves over 2,700 students, my job isn’t to single-handedly solve their issues -- or things that I, as an American, see as an issue. Rather, I see myself as another perspective, and a resource for the school. When I say resource, I don’t mean as a wealth of knowledge or skill (I have some knowledge and some skills, but I recognize I’m not an expert in anything!), but as someone who can focus on facilitating the change the community wants to see, hand-in-hand with community stakeholders.

Serving in the Philippines has also challenged me to change how I define success. There’s a difference between reading about how other cultures center their values for a thesis and living in a culture with different values than the ones you’re used to. More specifically, I spent my senior year reading literature for my thesis about how countries outside of the U.S. or Western Europe defined their cultural values, which is a completely different experience from living and learning in the Philippines. These days, I view a successful, productive day as one that involves creating a meaningful connection with someone in my community, rather than measuring myself by the number of classes I teach or the support I get for projects. To me, my work is about building friendships with my community. I’m not about imposing my US centric mindset on anyone (though one should acknowledge that you can’t get away from that entirely!), but I am about growing with a community.

---

*BTW, I recognize that being able to serve in the Peace Corps is also a privilege, because you have to be step away from your life in America for 2 years (not making much of anything), and then there are the additional costs of going through the medical and legal clearance that aren’t talked about right away (hello! Medical care should be more affordable but it isn’t!).

**confirmed after living here, doing some research on my own, and attending a really cool session my friend Allie facilitated during our In-Service Training: The U.S. occupation of the Philippines was driven by ‘benevolent assimilation’, or the idea that it’s the Americans’ responsibility to assimilate Filipinos into American culture because Filipinos are ‘uncivilized’ and too ‘uneducated’ to govern themselves. Furthermore, the U.S. valued the Philippines because it has many natural resources and natural harbors -- to exploit! America promised the Philippines independence and sovereignty, but proceeded to occupy the country. And the Philippine-American war led to the death of 20,000-35,000 Filipino combatants, over 200,000 civilians, and countless war crimes. NOT TO MENTION that America only recently returned the Bells of Balangiga, which were taken from a church by Americans as a war trophy after killing and burning all men and boys in Balangiga over the age of 10 (that’s right, they burned 11 year olds), killing 2,000 locals. As you can tell… I’m HEATED!